Friends..that's what's on my mind. No, not the addictive TV Show that went off the air recently but real friends.
What criteria do you use to define a friend? Or Best Friend? Is it that you speak once a day? Do you see each other more than twice a week? This whole women and friendships thing just boggles me.
You see as a child, I didn't have a lot of friends. I was nerdy, half-Filipino and poor. I longed to be in the popular clique I finally got in as the "token nerd" in 8th grade. It didn't last very long. I soon realized that even though I had all these "friends" that I was quite lonely because they were so flighty and devoid of personality. As I matured and hit puberty I found it much easier to relate to boys. They were not ever going to laugh at me because I wore K-Mart jeans with a Guess patch sewn on. They would not forget about me when a new more exciting kid came along. So I have always had more men friends or have found it easier to have relationships with men because the women had always let me down one way or the other.
For me I can say that my idea of friendship is being there for one another. Being honest with each other. Making time to hang out and enjoy each other or at least speaking once a day for my cyber friends.
Cyber friends are wonderful. The internet is the way to go to protect ones fragile ego from being crushed by others. There are a few women I've encountered on the net whom I've made "friends" with. I have never met them IRL but I enjoy their cyber company and their personalities immensely. We've all been together since being preggo with our August babes and it's the first time I've had lasting friendships with women aside from my real really live friend Nicole.
My cyber gal pals and I are planning a get together in Baltimore next month. I'm really looking forward to it and am glad that we'll FINALLY get to meet face to face vs. phone to phone or screen to screen. Even though I'm sort of scared too about what they'll think of "real" me.
I don't know why it's now, maybe it's motherhood or hormones but for the first time in my life, I crave female company. I want a friend to go on "girls weekends", a friend to meet for dinners and someone who will listen to me complain when my hubby does stupid things.
Not that my cyber buds don't fit the bill...maybe I am falling into the old American dream trap of "let's want more! let's have more! supersize me!! Give me friends! Validate me is really more like it I think. Validate me that I'm a good person, that I'm worthy of friendship that all my traits of loyalty and compassion have not been lost on just my family and the grocery store clerk.
I'm also nostalgic too. My 10 yr reunion is coming up and I'm sad that people I was friendly with I've lost touch with and that the number of people whom I considered friends are kind of laughing at me now. Oh um I don't remember you?? Amber who?
Guess I should end this rant. Gabriel has dumped out foam ABC's all over my floor and is bombarding me with "I HUNGEE MOMMEEEEEE!!!!"
Thoughts?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
I love you too girlie!! I agree about the IRL friends though, you know me and my MNO!! I love to be able to get out with some girlfriends and just relax, complain, have a great time, and leave the ole "Mom & Wife" hat behind me in a trail of dust. To just enjoy being a woman, being me..
OMG, I could have written your post! Just last week I think I might have alienated one of my oldest friends (since kindergarten) by being a little too needy. I don't have any girlfriends to go out with, only some friends at work. We might do the occasional lunch or run errands together, but that's it. Then I have 3 friends from grade school. We've been friends for so long, but we're drifting further and further apart. Two of them I see maybe once a year and email maybe 3-4 times a year. But now that they're all done getting married and having babies, we no longer have showers as a reason to get together. Then I have 1 school friend who I don't see very often, but we do chat online several times a week. In the last few months, I've made several attempts to contact my friends with no replies. The one I chat with had her 2nd baby a few months ago. I know her life is hectic, but I would think one could send a quick response to at least acknowledge an email (ok, several emails). She finally responded when I asked her to send me a quick reply just to let me know she was OK. I just felt like everyone was drifting away and eventually we'll only exchange Christmas cards.
Anyway, sorry for my own rant, but I can totally empathize with you. David is my best friend, and most of the time, I'm perfectly happy talking to and doing things with him. But every so often, I, too, crave female companionship. I suppose I could make a bigger effort to become friends with someone, but it just seems there's no time. For now, I'll stick with my husband and my cyber friends.
well...let's see...I think we all are the same. LOL Like you I too always was friends with the guys...hell..I was one of the guys...LOL, but now that I'm a little older, I too feel the need to get out with some "girls" and talk about "girl" things. Since I don't have many friends (That sounds bad) I look to you and the other girls on our board. As with Jackie, I feel Steve is my best friend, but sometimes I just gotta bitch about him to someone! I'm glad we all stayed in contact, as the others drifted away, and who knows, maybe someday when all the kids are grown us girls will FINALLY get out together on a Girls night out!!
It's funny - I just posted something similar on my blog on Thursday. I think the whole cyber friend thing is a trend now for everyone. People don't seem to cultivate in person friendships the way they used to. I always had more guy friends growing up too and really wish now I had more girlies to talk to. Must have something to do with our ages?
Great post,
Dawn
I completely understand wherer your coming from. I was the guys best friend in school and very rarley did I have a female friend . I had 3 real close friends but I lost track of them along the way . I dont have any RL friends here in PA . I moved to much as a military wife to let anyone lose enough to me . After my divorce I have lived in a shell . Id love to have the courage to meet some of you girls in RL but I dont see me doing that because like you I fear what will they really think of the real Karen.
Post a Comment