Mommy Blues

So here I am finally with a moment to gather my thoughts. I've been so harassed and stressed out lately that I'm surprised I haven't turned into a babbling idiot.

More often than not, I'm losing it on my kids. I don't know if it's a particularly nasty case of PMS or if it's a symptom of something else. I have had a few bouts of depression lately over concerns for my health. I had some abnormal blood test results and have been referred to a gastrointestinal specialist. All of that coupled with my feeling like I have no identity anymore have left me a neurotic bitch.

I want to enjoy my children. I want to be here with them. But lately I find myself longing for an identity that belongs to me. I love that I am their mom and that is such a privilege. Sometimes I just want something just for me, ya know? I want to be Amber Henderson exciting vivacious *insert noun*. I don't want to be just 'Bella's mom' Jake's Mom'

But deep down, if I never do anything else with myself. I know I'll always be proud to be a mom to three beautiful, intelligent kids.

Will it be enough? For now, yes. Ask me again later...